Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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