He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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