8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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