just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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