so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.