I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.