I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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