I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
