We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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