and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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