My cat gives me a boner
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize