sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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