I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
