she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
