i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
