look no pants
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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