I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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