I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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