you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
how drunk are you?
Several
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
