Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
