Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
