kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
