Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
