i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
