Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
