Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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