The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
