Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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