You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You did what with his pubic hair?
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