i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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