that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
