She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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