btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
