Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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