p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
