Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize