So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
