i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
