if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
