3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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