Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
