You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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