I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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