i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
