So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
