did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
