Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
