Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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