just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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