I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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