it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
