Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
