Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Drake has all the answers
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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