we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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