wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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