cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
