Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize