Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
