THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
