He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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