just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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