I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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