did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
