I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
