Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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